14 Questions I Asked My Fiance Before I Became His Girlfriend

Hello to anyone still following this blog! It feels like AGES since I’ve written here. Every time I begin to write a post, I feel guilty for not doing school, but today I’m pushing the guilt away to write this since this is a question I get asked all the time:

“Grace, I heard you had a list of questions you asked Taylor before you agreed to date him… can you send them to me?”

The answer is always yes! I’ve been so surprised by how many people have asked for my list; it seemed like a small thing when I created it. I was seventeen and had just broken off “talking” to a guy because I had dug a little deeper and found out he was addicted to porn. I was shocked; how did I not see all the red flags? It was like he had wanted to tell me the whole time when confronted. It all came out along with the tears. Later, it hit me, and I had barely asked Mr. Potential Almost-Boyfriend questions that would lead to deeper conversations where I would have been able to at least figure him out by his reactions to my questions.

I started thinking of questions that would lead to deep conversations and would help me get to know the character and personality of any guy I talked to in the future, and I came up with fourteen questions that I wanted to make sure I asked a guy before I agreed to date him.

My questions are blunt and pointed, and HUGE timesavers. They require you to talk about the nitty-gritty, the awkward things that are always in the back of your mind but you hesitate to bring them up, I wanted to make sure my future partner and I were open with each other from the beginning about our pasts, presents, and futures.

Then, I met Taylor and we became friends. Taylor and I talked about everything, and I told him about the list I made to ask guys, he was intrigued and wanted me to ask him my questions just to see. I hesitated.

“They’re super personal and I’m going to ask them to guys who want to date me,” I told him.

“Please ask me.”

I agreed to ask him the less personal ones, stopping at number ten. I was surprised how well it went, each question led to a conversation and more questions that we asked each other, at the end of it I felt like I knew Taylor so much better.

Of course, the inevitable happened, I knew I was beginning to like Taylor, so when he told me that he liked me it was only a matter of time before we were official. Two nights before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I called him because I knew he was about to ask me and I needed to ask him the rest of my questions.

Now we’re engaged, and honestly, I’m not sure how strong (or even existent!) our relationship would be if we hadn’t started on such an open note.

  1. How and when did you become a Christian?
  2. What does being a faithful Christian look like/mean to you?ย 
  3. What are a four of your priorities in life?ย 
  4. Ideally, where do you see yourself in five years?ย 
  5. What are two things about your character that you know you need to work on?ย 
  6. How do you deal with stress?ย 
  7. What are you currently studying in the Bible on your own?ย 
  8. What are four things in your life that youโ€™re the most thankful for?
  9. What are your thoughts on modesty?
  10. What do you do for fun?
  11. ย ย Do you look at porn or have you looked in the past?
  12. How far have you gone sexually?
  13. Why did your past relationships end?
  14. ย What are your physical boundaries? / How far is too far?ย 

I’ve met some people who don’t want to hear the answers to some of these last questions, but it is going to come out sooner or later in some fashion.

I certainly didn’t want to deal with some of these answers for the first time while already heavily invested in a relationship or even married! These questions aren’t to judge your future boyfriend. We all have things in the past we are not proud of and wouldn’t announce to the world. Still, the point is entering into a relationship with transparency or avoiding a relationship that wouldn’t have worked out in the first place. Don’t set yourself up for painful surprises later down the road.

Moral of this post, don’t be afraid to ask awkward questions and have hard conversations! You NEED to be able to have these conversations with your future spouse.

Have you asked these questions? What would you add on this list?

Love y’all!!

-Grace

Life Update… Some GOOD news

Hello old friends, I have emerged out of a haze of schoolwork to write to you again. It has been too long. I miss the simplicity of this blog and the days where I felt like I had time to ramble on the internet instead of feeling guilty when I tried to write something other than an assignment. Guilt or no guilt, I have made a short return to briefly tell y’all about something extraordinary which has happened in my life…

Some of y’all have been following me for so long, and it only seems fitting to share this news with people who almost feel like dear old friends: I am engaged to the most wonderful Christian man.

I almost did not believe I would date anyone until I met Taylor. As cliche as it is, people really are right when they say you meet the “one” when you least expect it; they just never told me it would also be in a way I never expected (but that is another story for another time ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

Meeting Taylor was unexpected, but he quickly became one of my closest friends, and I consider him my best friend as well as my fiancรฉ. Words cannot adequately describe how excited I am for my future with someone I want to grow old alongside and someone I also want to grow up with.

I promised myself I would keep this post short, but maybe I will go into further details in the future. I just wanted to share with you, but if I were to give any advice right now, even though I am hardly even close to qualified, I would tell you not to settle. It is not worth it. Find someone who not only meets your standards but raises them. Please, find a faithful Christian first and foremost. It is worth the wait, my friend.

Much Love,

Grace

A Reminder of Death

Hey there.

I had planned to post something I’m still currently writing. I was going to finish it and publish it yesterday, but then I found out my grandma had passed away in the night, which halted my current writing. 

I loved my grandma, but I didn’t expect her death to hit me as hard as it did.

ย Maybe it was because I wasn’t able to be with my family during this shock. This week is my first week moved out from home and my first week not being around and talking to my family daily. It’s weird to realize things will never be the same again in so many ways.ย 

Maybe it was because death reminds you how temporary and fast-fading everything in this life is. Death makes you realize that we are all mortal and that time will eventually run out for all of us. Sometimes there is comfort in death. Other times all you can hear is the lyrics of “You Never Mentioned Him to Me” and the pounding guilt in your head as you realize that there is no comfort to be found in the death of the unsaved, no truthful “they’re in a better place” statement. 

Either way, the death of someone is painful. It’s absence. It’s those left behind wondering how one can fill the vacancy of a person. Is that even possible?  

All there is now is a memory, now all you can do is hold your loved one in a picture frame. 

Yet, while death is the end for us on earth, I hold on to the hope and knowledge that there will be an end to death one day because Jesus has already conquered the grave. We all have the choice to be with Him for eternity, and while that is a scary thought for me sometimes when it comes to people I know haven’t obeyed and still are living in sin, I know I can trust that God is good, God is just, and that His plans are far greater than mine. 

“…for then he would have had to suffer repeatedly since the foundation of the world. But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.”-Hebrews 9:26-28

 “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”-Revelation 2:4

“So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”

“O Death, where is your sting?

O Hades, where is your victory?”‘-1 Corinthians 15:54-55

I spent a good part of yesterday crying on my boyfriend’s bedroom floor. I spent another part of yesterday laughing as I told him some of my memories of my grandma. 

Sadly, I don’t have many due to not living close to my grandma, but I know that she loved me, and I know I loved her.

When I was younger, we wrote letters back and forth for many years. I still have a few of the ones she wrote me. I don’t remember why I stopped writing her. I wish I hadn’t. Anne Frank was right when she wrote that regret is stronger than gratitude. I remember telling her everything when I wrote her, every tiny detail. We’d write about birds, flowers, and funny moments with my family. That’s how I’d like to remember her, my childhood pen pal, the person who I recorded every unimportant thing for because she made them feel important, she made me feel important.

I don’t have much else to say, to anyone reading this, please remember that our time here is only a second in the grand scheme of things.