Dear Sister, Wait, Don’t Settle

Hey guys, it’s February and you know what that means… here comes the onslaught of blog posts about being single and sad.

 Those articles have good points, being single can feel sad at times, especially for us girls because it’s normal for us to have a need to be needed, that’s natural. God created us to be helpmeets, that desire in itself isn’t wrong. God did look at Adam and say: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him”(Genesis 2:18). It isn’t a sin to hope and pray for something good that God created for a reason.

But, let’s talk about the flip side of that desire… Let’s talk about desperation and making sure that we don’t give into that.

No one is perfect, as the twitter quote I read once so beautifully put: “everyone is a mess, pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it.”

However, sometimes I see girls following this advice too much, and with valentines coming up, I’m here to give you my “Don’t Lower Your Standards, RAISE THEM” Ted Talk (I wrote a whole post about my standards that you can read here).

Yes, no one is perfect, I’m not talking about turning someone down because of a quirk or two, a different hair color than what you dreamed of at twelve, or any other superficial thing, but I am talking about the important things.

Things that should be an immediate deal breaker.

Look, I get it. I was single for eighteen years, and you start to feel some pressure to find “the one”. I watched some of my friends meet their “prince charming” even if he only stayed charming for a few months.

It gets lonely at times, and sometimes you wonder if you’ll be alone forever.

You’re watching other couples get married and settle down, you’re watching other people live the dream you’ve had since forever, and now you’re wondering if it will ever come true for you.

Then, you meet a guy.

Finally! You breathe a sigh of relief.

Ok, maybe he’s not Mr. Right, but he’s Mr. Okish or he’s Mr. Potential, and he’s promising you that he’ll get better, he’s promising you that he’ll make you happy. That’s honestly all you really want, you just want to drop the tough act and throw yourself into someone’s arms.

And sometimes, you do just that, against better judgment that you honestly should have had.

Especially if they weren’t a Christian, and I know I just stepped on a few toes, maybe even stomped on some of yours, but here’s the thing:

If he isn’t a man of God, he also isn’t your man.

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”-2 Corinthians 6:14

I’ve listened to enough people vent and cry to me after their breakups, and I can tell you that they all say the same thing when it comes to this:

“But Grace, they were perfect. They were everything I wanted and needed. The only thing was that they weren’t a Christian, but they were so close. They told me they wanted to convert. They were going to…”


Stop clinging onto the examples of couples that were unequally yoked at the beginning that made it through.

Listen to me: we really only hear about the success stories in life.

No one wants to tell you that they failed. No one wants to let you know that they tried something which crashed and burned. You won’t be hearing all of the stories about how painful and terrible it was, but that’s what the majority of these relationships are. I know because I’ve watched it.

Get someone who can stand beside you on your beliefs, you want a partner that can fight with you for the Lord, not against you and the Lord.

The real question is: why would you want to date someone who is not running the race you are running? How discouraging would that be?

I’d rather be alone forever. I’ll invest in ten cats.

Wait, dear sister. Don’t settle for a man that isn’t a man of God.

Also, don’t settle for someone if:

  • He’s where you’re searching for your identity

You won’t find it in him.

One time, I told my dad about a compliment a guy had given me and he told me to next time congratulate them on having working eyes.

My dad had a good point, that compliment was superficial and meant nothing because any random guy can look at you and call you pretty, but as the quote, I saw on Pinterest the other day said, “Art is still art even when someone stops admiring it.”

Imagine what it would look like if everyone just dated the first random person that validated them, things would get messy fast.

Girl, that boy is not God. He’s not even your husband. Stop searching for purpose in other flawed humans. You won’t find it. Another insecure and imperfect person isn’t going to fill the void in your heart.

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”-Ephesians 2:10

Seek God first and foremost, that’s where your purpose and identity has always been.

I have a few more posts going more in-depth on this if you care to read them:

You Might Not Get Married, and That’s Ok

Two Truths About Your Worth

Waiting for a Relationship

(this post is funny to me because right after I wrote it, I faced a new obstacle: having options but still choosing to wait because they weren’t good options).

I Know You Just Want To Be Somebody This Holiday Season and I’m Here to Tell You That You Are

  • He’s not transparent

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,
    but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.”
-Proverbs 10:9

Something was sketchy about one guy I was talking to last summer… I did some digging and found some unsavory things. When I confronted him about what I found, one of the first things he told me was: “I’m so sorry you had to find out that way.”

After a long discussion and a very tearful evening, I ended things because of a still present sin in his life. He told me that he was going to focus on getting his life back together and I pray he’s doing just that.

Trust me, sister, you don’t want a guy to say the words: “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.” to you.

If someone has a past or something they’re struggling with, you don’t want to find out after stalking their social media, running into their ex, their old friends, or when they have a breakdown about it months into your relationship.

A relationship takes teamwork, and teammates need to communicate, and if this guy you’re talking to isn’t doing that and isn’t willing to improve, that’s something you need to rethink.

Before I was dating my now-boyfriend, my mom asked me why I was interested in him, and one of the things I told her was that he is transparent. From the get-go, he’s never wavered from being open and having harder conversations with me. It was one of the first things I noticed and appreciated about him. Truthfully, it would have been easy for him to omit some things when we were talking, and I probably wouldn’t have been any wiser, but he didn’t, even though I know it was very nerve-wracking and hard for him at times to put himself out there like that.

I know that’s the type of guy I want to be with, and that’s the type of person we all should be. Don’t date someone who won’t be transparent and honest with you.

  • He’s not seeking to guard your heart

I am reminded of the woman in Proverbs 7 who gets a man to commit adultery with her. What struck me when I got to the end in verse 27 when it describes how her house is a way to hell and her bedroom to is leading him to death, is how this woman did not care for this man’s soul, only her selfish desires.

This should be a lesson for us too. Girls, not only do we not want to be like that woman, but we don’t want to date a male version of her. We do not want to give our hearts to someone who is going to be selfish and who isn’t going to care about your soul, your relationship with Christ, or your purity. The right guy is going to help you guard your heart. He knows the value you hold as a child of God and because he wants to honor God as much as you do. He will know the preciousness of your heart. Wait for that guy, don’t date guys who are going to try to manipulate you and ask or pressure you to compromise.

  • He’s never wrong

Have you ever met a person who never says “sorry”? That person, who, even if Google says they’re wrong, they’ll call every article on there false? Don’t date him. There’s something to be said for humility and the ability to reevaluate your past beliefs and decisions and admit that you were wrong. That’s how we grow.

A man who is never wrong is also never learning.

  • He’s not headed in the same direction as you

This one can go back to number one on this list especially, but it also applies to many other things. The other day, I was listening to a random YouTube video where they had compiled all these answers that people had given when the question “what do you regret not talking to your partner about before marriage?” was asked. The fact that so many people never talked about children, parenting style, money management, etc. was crazy to me.

In the same way, I would even say getting into an official relationship with anyone before you know what they want in life and what some of their top priorities are isn’t wise. If you’re not dating to get married, you’re simply dating to break up.

I could go on and on, and we’d be here all day.

Girl, you want someone who is going to love you, cherish you, protect you, be honest with you, be dependable, someone who will grow with you, and someone who is already on the same path to heaven with you.

I’d rather you and I spend Valentine’s day and every other day for the rest of our lives alone than with someone who falls short of those things.

It’s not worth it.

Please, don’t settle.

There’s no such thing as the perfect man, but there are godly ones, there are ones who are true.

He’ll make mistakes. You might meet him and discover that he’s made a ton of mistakes in the past, maybe even some that still haunt him. Yet, he will have the character, the strength, and the love for the Lord in him to admit when he’s been wrong and to move forward, and to keep striving to be the man of God he was made to be.

You won’t be left wondering if he loves the Lord or if he’s sincere, he will easily prove it to you with everything he does.

The right guy is going to treat you with honor and with respect. He will protect you because he knows your value as a woman of God, and he’ll want to help you reach your full potential. He won’t pull you down. The right guy will help lead you to Christ daily.

This is a guy worth waiting for, don’t you dare settle for any less.

18 thoughts on “Dear Sister, Wait, Don’t Settle

  1. Talk about reading the right post at the right time. I struggle with guarding my heart and emotions when it comes to guys, and wondering if I just keep waiting I’ll be waiting forever. Or I worry that if I let God work things out on whether I’m meant to be with the guy I REALLY like, nothing will ever happen.

    So I say YES to every single thing you said in this post. Waiting, trusting, praying, and keeping your standards high is very important.
    Sometimes waiting is just… really… really… really… really… REALLY hard. 😂

    Liked by 4 people

    1. It is so hard, I understand where you’re coming from and have been there myself! Wow, I really resonate with your struggle with liking a guy and wondering if it’s meant to be, I was struggling with that for almost three years and I know how painful it is and even at times it’s like breaking your own heart over someone. If you ever need to talk, my inbox is always open, friend. ❤

      Waiting is incredibly hard, but all good things are hard and are worth the wait.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Aaah Grace, wonderful, absolutely fantastic post!! As usual, I feel satiated through your honesty and amazing advice. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!
    (You haven’t talked about your now-boyfriend on this blog yet! Will you be sharing with us? … the story of how you met, how you decided he was right for you, etc?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading! ❤
      It's still a new relationship, but I hope someday to talk about it more. He's a great guy and I'm really lucky to have met him. I pray for him, our relationship, and he's the right one every night. :))
      I might do a post on it later, but I actually have a list of questions I've come up with that I have decided I won't date anyone until I ask them (I love lists if you can't tell). Asking those questions was very helpful to get to know him and to learn more about him and I've been impressed with his character so far and am excited for our relationship to hopefully grow stronger.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh wow!! That is SO great and amazing!! (And yes, I love lists too!) I totally agree with that concept of making a list of questions, great idea! I’ll be looking forward to those posts, I just love your perspective and the way you’re able to write it all out so well! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m so happy you’ve found someone, Grace. I’ll be praying for your relationship and that God would guide and lead you two in your walk with Him and with each other. ❤


  3. Such mature words of wisdom from a wonderful, Christian young lady. I appreciate your efforts in writing, as well as your example in applying the principles found in Scripture.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Such a great reminder! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, as a preteen I vowed not to date until I was eighteen. Now I’m fast approaching eighteen and I’m so glad I waited! Your article came at just the right time for me and you speak so much truth. So many girls today need to hear this. I love your approach to all of this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I applaud you for your wise decision! My parents and I made a similar choice, I was allowed to date when I graduated high school at seventeen, but I didn’t end up dating until eighteen. I’m so grateful that I wasn’t allowed to date because looking back it would have been a waste of time and I probably would have gotten hurt for no reason.
      The right person is worth waiting for!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Seconding the comments about wanting to hear how you met your boyfriend… as an 18-year-old who’s not in a relationship, I’m curious how other Christian girls approach/have approached dating. I’ve always wanted to get married but I’m so clueless when it comes to actually, y’know, taking steps toward that. Your posts have actually been really helpful/encouraging when it comes to that. I guess it’s easy for me to /say/ that I’m fine being single and that my identity is in Christ, not some guy, but then it’s harder to live that out.


    1. Haha, trust me when I say that it wasn’t a normal situation that I’d really recommend! I guess it just goes to show that God works in unexpected ways sometimes. I hope to eventually tell y’all about it, but since the relationship is still new, I’m not going to be as public about it on here yet. :))
      Honestly, I’m still kind of clueless! As cliche as it is, if you’re doing the right thing and they’re the right person, everything somehow just clicks into place.

      I’d really recommend being friends first and foremost, that was a big deal for me and my now boyfriend because having a friendship is really important. So, don’t be afraid to make guy friends, it’s a win-win. You meet sweet brothers in Christ and you also might meet the one you want to be with, I think being friends with guys is so often looked down upon in religious circles, but there’s nothing wrong with being nice and treating them like your brothers in Christ! Encourage and uplift the girls and guys around you. :)) Ruth wasn’t focusing on finding a guy when she met Boaz, she was just living her life and doing the right thing, and I think that’s a good example for all of us, even though it’s really hard to follow (and I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t always do the greatest job of that and ended up in some embarrassing situations lol).
      It’s hard to live out for sure, but you’ve got this! You’re not alone. ❤

      Liked by 4 people

  6. A WONDERFUL POST AS ALWAYS. I highly approve. I especially second feeling shocked to hear that couples didn’t talk about important life goals before getting married. Like, how…?! XD


  7. I don’t think there’s an adjective descriptive enough to express how deeply this post has touched me.

    This really touched my heart, because I’m kind of going through something with a guy right now. I’ll keep praying to the Lord about him and see if God wants us to be together.

    You’re always an inspiration to me!


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