Lately, I’ve been stumbling onto many homemaking niche instagram accounts.
You know the ones.
The pretty pastels, happy kids, spotless white kitchens, moms with full faces of makeup on rambling about their beautiful family in the posts.
I’m not dissing these pages, they’re cute. I’m sure they’re helpful to plenty of expecting and new moms and are sources for encouragement. I’ve even considered following one, but my finger stopped above the follow button…
I looked at those perfectly lit aesthetic pictures, and I felt a bitterness wash over me, and I knew then that it wasn’t healthy for me to see that on my feed. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to want what wasn’t mine, and that was what I was doing in that moment.
I felt discouraged, not at the thought of not currently having a family, but at the thought of never having one.
Fast-foward a bit, I came across another one, but this one was different.
It was a homemaking page run by a young teen girl and a self-described “future-homemaker”.
I wasn’t sure what to think about it.
On one hand, homemaking is beautiful. I wish the stay-at-home mom life was still looked at as important in today’s culture. I’m glad this young girl sees the beauty, and I’m glad that she wants that for her future.
On one hand, it is important to learn how to keep a home running.
On the other, I didn’t like it because a future that might never be, was shown as her whole identity and purpose, when it’s not.
Marriage is not a right; it’s not promised.
Neither are kids.
Yet, we act like our life is on pause until we get married and have kids.
Why does it seem that there is this unrealistic, “Oh, I just want to skip this stuff and get married and have kids.” As if that’s when the credits roll as you ride off into the sunset, into a happy ending? Forget the part where life goes on and continues to be stressful and hard work in different ways.
My dad tells me this story about how he and his roommate had a calendar in college, and they would celebrate the end of each day by crossing another day off with a red pen.
“You’re counting your life away,” someone remarked to my dad once.
My dad said he never understood that remark until years later when he looked up and realized that he had done that.
We all are guilty of doing that, especially in this area.
It’s always when I meet someone, then I’ll-
When I get engaged, then I’ll-
When I get married, then I’ll-
When I have children, then I’ll-
What about the “now’s“?
There are so many opportunities to serve God and others now.
There are so many things you can do now that you won’t be able to do if (or when) you get married and have kids.
You have a life and a purpose now.
“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.”-Ecclesiastes 12:13
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”-Thessalonians 5:11
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”-Matthew 5:16
“Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”-Matthew 28:19-20
Your purpose will never be found in a significant other, marriage, kids, grandchildren, etc. Your purpose is found in Christ and you can live your life for Him now.
I’m not writing this to be a feminist or take away from the beauty and importance of marriage and the home, I’m simply here to tell you to stop wasting your time pining for a season you’re not in yet.
Enjoy the spring when it’s spring.
Enjoy the summer when it’s summer.
Enjoy the autumn when it’s autumn.
Enjoy the winter when it’s winter.
Enjoy being single while you’re single.
Enjoy the now.
Every season has its pros and cons.
I pray that we both find good, godly people to marry one day, but if not and if this season decides to stick around, we’ll be ok.
I’m not sure if I’m talking to you or myself in this post. I guess it’s a bit of both, but we have got to stop waiting for and idolizing the next thing–whether it be graduating high school, a major, a career, a relationship, marriage, a job promotion etc.–and we have to start focusing on what we can do now for God and for others, and what we can learn now.
“Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”’-James 4:13-15
I might not get married.
You might not get married.
I’m not writing this to be discouraging or pessimistic, but simply to tell you and myself that it’s ok.
Your value as a person and as a child of God is not depended on a relationship status.
Your identity will never be found in a significant other; it is found in Christ.
Marriage is not going to solve your problems. You will be disappointed if you put that much expectation on another human.
God has not promised us marriage, and that’s ok.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be guilty of seeking after a relationship more than God.
Dear reader, you might not get married, and that’s ok.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”-Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in God in this time of uncertainty, acknowledge Him and His purpose for you even when you cannot see the big picture and can’t understand all of the “why’s” in life.
No one said that this life would be easy and that all our dreams would come true. All we can do is pick up our cross and follow Him, no matter the season we are in.
“And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”-Matthew 10:38-39